I have no idea who wrote this, but it sure tickled my funny bone. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
The Redneck Love Poem
Collards is green, my dog’s name is Blue
And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like corn silk a flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales but I luv you anyway.
Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry jist a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.
You have some’a yore teeth, for which I am proud,
I hold my head high when we’re in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
Well I’m in hawg heaven, awed by yore charms.
Still them fellas at work, they all want to know,
What I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape, yo’re there fer yore man,
To patch up life’s troubles and fix what you can.
Yo’re as cute as a junebug a-buzzin’ overhead.
You aint means like those far ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete, Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.
Yore complexion, it’s perfect, like the best vinyl sidin’.
Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin’.
Me’n’ you’s like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drink,
We go together like a skunk goes with stink.
Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine’s Day,
They git it al Wal-Mart, it’s romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that special day,
From the cooler at Kroger, that’s impressive I say,
Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever", they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, Honey, these won’t do
‘cause you too special, you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds,
IT’S A NEW TROLLING MOTOR !!!