Thank you, Lina, for sharing your insights about your nephew's pretend play -- it's so fascinating to watch kids and try to figure out what's going on in those little brains!
You actually reminded me of an important topic I wanted to post on: play. Pretend play is like the child's laboratory. They feel safe to experiment there. It's like when you're playing tag and you can't get caught because you're touching "homebase". Playing is how children mimic the behavior of others and eventually internalize it as their own. However, I have been seriously abusing this knowledge with my daughter (hopefully, in a good way).
There are MANY different ways that you can use play to enhance your child's development (perhaps I'll mention those in future posts), but I have been using pretend play as a way to avoid Arianna's meltdowns. It works SO much better than having to discipline her AFTER she loses her cool.
Whenever her temper starts to flair or I see her about to cry from some frustrated attempt, I purposefully switch into pretend play mode. Lately, she's been very angry about me interrupting her activity to change her diaper and has been fussy on the changing table. Yesterday, I grabbed a puppet and pretended that the puppet wanted to change her diaper. She thought it was hysterically funny and my crying mess of a girl instantly turned into a giggly, happy toddler again and the change went smoothly.
If I don't have a puppet, I pretend to be someone else. She really enjoys role playing and it always brings her out of a snit. Reading a book with her will also do the trick -- it's a lot like stepping into another world -- although this technique is time-consuming because she won't settle for just ONE book. I say she likes to "tie one on" because one book always becomes THREE.
If I'm desperate and can't think of anything else, I resort to a game of chase. Sometimes we just need to deal directly with the cause of the frustration, like if she just needs help tying her shoes (I know, it can't be fun and games ALL of the time).
Perhaps I am lucky that Arianna has such an excellent sense of humor and can appreciate these tactics. Or perhaps pretend play can become any parent's unfair advantage. Try it. I'd love to hear what your experience is with it!
Rebecca
P.S. I will warn you: if you become emotionally embroiled in the child's meltdown, you won't be thinking about creative alternatives and a tantrum will quickly ensue. This ONLY works in situations where you are emotionally calm and aren't taking your child's behavior personally. (I try to use I-messages when I am upset, such as: I am feeling . . . very angry that you just dropped your raisins all over the floor. Would you please . . . help me pick them up?)
P.P.S. Arianna hasn't named her panda bear; she is simply Panda. She is from the Build-A-Bear store (yes, you "build" your own bear right on the premises!) and has the name Pamela Panda on her birth certificate. I didn't choose the name and tried to suggest the name Penny, instead, which Arianna quickly nixed. She has just been Panda Bear ever since. I have noticed her playing with names, though. Like she knows the name Tommy and will make up the name Bommy or she'll just come up with something really weird, like Talkie Kitty. I think language play like that is wonderful!