June 14, 2005
Flag Day
I just found out that my mom’s cousin, Georgie, died. I knew he was diagnosed with cancer, but the last time I had heard, the chemo was helping. I was hoping that he would beat it, like he said he would, for his family’s sake as well as his own.
His mother has now lost 4 children and her husband -- one to war and the rest to cancer. Georgie’s encologist asked where he grew up and when he told her, she said that many people who used to live there have developed cancer. My mom said the skies were black with smoke from the local factories, when they went to visit. They live in South Buffalo now, but the move must have been too late. It always amazes me how we take certain things for granted, only to realize later how harmful they are to ourselves and/or the planet. I don’t know how my aunt is going to cope with another loss. She is one of the kindest people I have ever met, and so was her son.
Georgie was the kind of guy who would trap you in a tight bear hug whenever you saw him. He would give you a big, wet kiss and stand a little too close to your face and sincerely ask, “How ARE you?” He was so warm and friendly, it was almost like he was drunk, even though he was always sober. I felt so welcomed and cared about when I went there to visit. He and my aunt would sit down with us at the table and just talk for hours. They dropped everything when we were there, like they had nothing more important to do than just be with us and enjoy our company. I remember how he would always bring out his father’s violin and ask me to play it for him. I remember how hard he worked at his job as a Marine, and then a mechanic and going to college and being a dad. All of his professors said he would make an excellent teacher.
Georgie and his little boy, Trevor, lived with my aunt ever since the boy’s mom went into the psych hospital. Nothing made him happier than taking care of his son. They were always together. I know of so many other fathers who would have just shipped the child off to other relatives, in that situation. But he was determined to be a good dad and to raise his child by himself. He changed every diaper, fed him, and put him down for every nap. He had his own little system down, that he figured out by watching Trevor and attending to his needs. Georgie always had him in his arms whenever I saw them. Trevor is only 8 years old, but he is a good, happy boy.
What happens when a love that strong suddenly disappears from your life?
I remember how devastated I was when my grandmother died. She was the only one I could count on, in my family, and she said she would always be there for me until I didn’t need her anymore. She was like my own guardian angel. We were together so much, she called me her TAIL and would tell everyone, “I can’t go ANYWHERE without my tail.” She said it proudly, with a sly smirk. I knew she loved being with me. I loved being with her. She would hold me in a tight spoon while I went to sleep. She would listen to me read my own stories and she applauded loudly at all of my scratchy violin concerts. I would open my heart to her and tell her everything I felt and thought. When she died, I felt so betrayed. I still needed her, how could she leave me? She said she wouldn’t die until I was ready. How could I ever say goodbye to her? I was 19 when I had to let go of my angel. I can’t imagine being 8.
It seems so unfair that the world can just continue on when such beauty has been lost.
Mournfully,
Rebecca